I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
