I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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