The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
