You can't special order awesome
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
