He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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