If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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