lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
At least make sure they are 18
Why
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
