Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
