Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
