Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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