Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
