I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
