White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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