he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
