What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
