If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
