im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
