he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
