all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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