and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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