doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
