This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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