My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
