Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
