Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wish there were birth control emojis
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
