we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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