I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
