I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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