idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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