You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
