even my farts smell like vagina
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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