We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
