Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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