I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
