I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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