we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
