i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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