glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.