Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.

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(212): View more from New York

so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.

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(636): View more from Missouri

It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.

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(540): View more from Virginia

My balls are so social today.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(509): View more from Washington

i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.

(1-901): View more from Tennessee

explains the nose bleeds.

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(514): View more from Quebec

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!

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(775): View more from Nevada

Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.

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