your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.