Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
