I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You're like the curious george of whores
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.