He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
