I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
