you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
