You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
