can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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