i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
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Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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