I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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