i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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