We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
