i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
