I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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