im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
