Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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