I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
