I could have mohawked her pubes.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize