Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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