That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
