well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
