Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize