my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
