I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize