He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My Sexting was not on an AP level
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
