after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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