you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
