Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
