Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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