Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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