I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
