This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
