she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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