You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
