New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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