I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
