Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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