My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize